


Someplace Nice

by YulianaHenderson



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, One Shot, s7 expectations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24020260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YulianaHenderson/pseuds/YulianaHenderson
Summary: "It didn't matter how many times people would tell her that this was him.It simply wasn't."Or what I wouldn't mind seeing in S7. (One-shot.)
Relationships: Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 1
Kudos: 40





	Someplace Nice

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so this is not my finest work, but I was inspired and typed this in under thirty minutes. Excuse any typos, and sorry that it's short!  
> Also, I would prefer to have so much Philinda romance in S7 that I almost need to puke from it but I'm realistic and I know that won't happen. My guess is that May will be angry at the team and LMD Phil for much of the season but then come to her senses eventually. This is what I hope might happen, after adjusting my high expectations!

It didn't matter how many times people would tell her that this was him. 

It simply wasn't. 

Okay, so it looked like him, alright. Sounded like him,  _ talked _ like him. It made stupid puns and low-key references to Captain America and Peggy Carter because they were in that decade, and it would have been so Phil if not for the fact that it  _ wasn't him _ .

This was just plastic and wires put together to form something that resembled him.

This wasn't him. But it still hurt to look at it, to see what she had lost walking around like nothing had happened. To see it chatting with the team, laughing with Daisy, as though he hadn't… as though she… as if she hadn't buried him.

Daisy was pissed at her, May knew that. She kept going on and on about how she was hurting 'his' feelings, while being cold and aloof was the only way for May not to break down and crumble altogether. 

"It's  _ him _ , May! When are you gonna accept that?"

Never. May would never accept it, because that robot was not Phil Coulson.

They had successfully saved the world from another apocalyptic event, and she was so done with having to save the world, just wanted to sleep in her own bed in her own decade and perhaps even sleep in, rest, because her life-ending wound in her stomach had not healed quite the way it should have and she knew she just needed more rest.

An envelope was slid underneath her door and she frowned, nearly reached for a weapon that wasn't there. It was probably Daisy trying to make amends. Being around Daisy nowadays was like taking care of a moody teenager - one moment, she hated May's guts and wished she had never been born; the next, Daisy sought comfort in her arms and apologized at length for her earlier outburst. May wasn't certain if she wanted to let Daisy in at that moment, wasn't ready to be around anybody.

Curiosity got the better of her and she stood, picking up the envelope from the cold floor. 

It did say May, like it had all those times before when Daisy had given her an envelope much like this. The handwriting was different, however, and something looked familiar about it.

She was reluctant now. She recognized that handwriting, and it was yet another person she did not want to see.

Well, person…

_ "Dear Melinda, _

_ Please know how much I love you, and care about you. I'll leave you alone from now on, but please, be good to yourself, and take care of Daisy for me. _

_ Love, Phil." _

She stared at the piece of paper for what seemed like an eternity, unsure of what to feel, think, say. Then, the first emotion that presented itself was anger.

How dare this imposter tell her it loves her? How dare it tell her what to do? To take care of herself?

She threw the letter away in anger, a little frustration, too, because she missed Phil so much and this LMD was only rubbing salt in her wounds every single day. 

She had to leave. Get out of here. She couldn't stand looking at that face for one more god damn day.

She was about to pack a bag when her door flew wide open and the whole room started to shake.

"He's  _ leaving _ , May! What did you tell him?"

"Nothing."

"I know your nothing! I'm so sick and tired of your attitude, Melinda May! You say you miss him so much and that you would give anything to be with him! Well-" Daisy raised her hands on her sides, before putting them on her hips in annoyance. "That thing that's leaving the Base  _ right now _ is the closest thing you'll get to the real Phil Coulson and I can't believe you're not grabbing hold of that opportunity with both hands!"

May shook her head, sighed and started packing her bag. Daisy kept on rambling angrily but May shut most of it out. She had put two shirts in her duffel bag before Daisy's words registered.

_ "He's leaving." _

May turned to Daisy. "Where is he going?"

"God knows! You broke him! You literally, absolutely broke him-"

May looked down at her bag.

It was leaving. That imposter with the face of the love of her life was leaving. Finally.

And yet…

She had expected relief to wash over her, finally she didn't have to look at it anymore, feel her heart clench everytime it tried to make her smile, didn't have to be angry at it for no apparent reason other than the fact that it simply wasn't Coulson.

But…

She looked at the letter, crumpled up on the floor a few inches from Daisy's raging feet. 

Huh…

May walked past Daisy out of her room, into the direction of the LMD's bunk, a failed attempt from the team to feign normalcy because it really didn't need to sleep, eat, shower. She had never been in there before, though, why would she have been? That robot wasn't Phil.

She listened at the door for a few moments, hearing some rustling on the other side, before the door opened and she was face to face with Phil.

No, not Phil. 

It seemed shocked to see her but still smiled softly in greeting, before its smile dropped when it no doubt realized what they were not.

"You got my letter?" it asked her, hoisting a duffel bag quite similar to hers higher up on its shoulder. She didn't respond, never did. "I meant what I said in it, you know. Just… wanted you to know that."

It nodded when she didn't say anything else and walked past her, into the general direction of the exit.

"Where are you going?" 

It was about the first thing she had told it since finding out of its existence, aside from some very resolute words on how she never wanted anything to do with it. She still remembered its face then, how it had seemed so… sad. Forlorn. But it was just programming, so she hadn't given it any more thought.

"Don't know. Someplace nice, I guess."

It looked at her for a few more seconds, as though it was trying to commit her face to memory, before turning around and leaving. 

May stood rooted to the floor for a while, unsure why she was still standing there, why she hadn't returned to her own bunk.

It was gone now, May. That's what you wanted, right? You don't have to look at him anymore.

"Go after him," May heard Daisy whisper, probably the first time in ages the young woman didn't yell at her. It almost sounded weird.

"Why is he leaving?" May asked Daisy. The latter just gently pushed May into the direction of the exit and May let her. When Daisy no longer pushed, she went on her own accord, but she had no idea why.

Why? She hated this stupid robot, this imposter, this sad excuse for a…

She found the LMD just getting into a car, one of SHIELD's cars, a black, broken down convertible. Of course. Figures that it would get into a…

"Why are you leaving?"

It looked up, perhaps surprised that she was there. She thought she saw a tiny sparkle in its eyes before a cloud passed through them. It shrugged.

"You can't stand the sight of me. I… never wanted to hurt you, but it seems my presence still does. So… the best thing to do is leave." It cracked a small smile then. "Hey. At least I'll be in my favorite decade."

She had to fight not to roll her eyes at that. That's exactly something that…

Well, shit. She wanted to maintain that this wasn't him, and it wasn't, the real Phil Coulson was rotting in a grave in the 21st century, but she couldn't deny anymore that this robot greatly resembled him… maybe even more than Phil did.

"You can't only be leaving because of me."

It smiled at her, not the brightest smile she had seen on that face, but still enough to make her feel something in her belly.

Why did her heart betray her like this? She had sworn she would take her love for Phil with her to the grave, there was no one else out there for her.

Come on, Melinda May! This  _ is _ Phil! How many more times do you need to hear it?

"Goodbye, Melinda."

He turned the ignition and was already backing out of the parking spot. He was leaving. He was really leaving. (When had she started referring to it as 'him' anyway?)

And suddenly she realized, she didn't want him to. She had been telling him to bugger off and get lost for weeks now, ever since seeing him for the first time, and yet her heart was reaching out for him, for some damn reason. 

"Wait!" she exclaimed, running around the car and standing right in front of it, blocking Phil's path. His eyes widened and he killed the engine immediately, but didn't do or say anything else. 

She stood there for seemingly forever, staring at him, into his eyes, so beautifully blue, like the cleanest ocean on earth, filled with gorgeous life in its endless depths. She remembered the many times she had stared into these same eyes over the past three decades, how every time she had fallen a little more for them, him, first undetected, covered by their close friendship, but eventually, she had realized the depths of her feelings. She had been in love with him, and had been for a while.

"Melinda, get out of the way." He said it so softly, like he didn't want to hurt her or order her around but it still felt much like an order. She shook her head.

"Are you really him?"

His expression dropped and he looked down at the steering wheel, before taking in a deep breath and looking up at her, as though now he had the courage to tell her the truth.

"I'm not physically him, I never can be. He died. But… I have all his memories,  _ my _ memories, and I don't feel any different from when I was alive. I understand it if you can't believe me, I really do. It's just… that I recognized the chance we've been given and I was hoping… that you would, too, but I know it hurts too much and that's okay. I'll accept your wishes now and leave, so just… step out of the way, please, Melinda."

She shook her head again and put her hands on the hood, hard, frustrated. Her heart was at turmoil with itself and it hurt and confused her.

"Do you love me?" she asked him, never having pegged herself to be  _ that _ kind of woman but needing to hear the words anyway.

"You know-"

"Say it!"

He was quiet and sat silently in the car seat, and she finally looked away from him to look at her hands on the hood. Her vision was blurring.

A few moments later, she felt his presence beside her before she saw him, and her heart beat faster in her chest, more tears on the way. He kept to himself, but somehow, she could read in his face how much he wanted to hold her just then.

"I love you, Melinda. So… so damn much."

She let out a sob and he finally gave in, wrapping his arms gingerly around her, as though he was still afraid she would pull away.

It was the first time she had touched this version of him, and she was surprised when she felt him there, warm and firm and somehow exactly as she remembered him. Now that she felt him so close, she wondered why she had been avoiding him all this time, realized she had needed this exact touch for all those weeks and denying herself the pleasure.

Daisy was right. It was him. And Phil was right, too, at least he had that awareness - he could never be Phil, never be flesh and blood, but was that the only thing that made a person? Was it not their memories that made them their own person, the lessons they had learned, the people they had met and loved and lost?

"Finally," he whispered with a hint of amusement in his voice, but she couldn't find the strength within her to call him out on it. She wrapped her arms around his waist and slowly pulled him closer, until she was burrowed in his hold completely.

"I miss him," she muttered, half expecting him not to hear her, but not surprised that he had. 

"I know," he replied, his hand rubbing gentle circles on her back. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head. She missed Phil so much. She wasn't going to pretend that he hadn't died, because he had, and this version of him could never replace him.

But… she didn't care anymore. She got to hold him, at least a version of him, a part of him.

"Hey," Phil whispered, pulling away slightly so he could look at her. "Let's take this car for a spin. Just you and I."

"I'm not dressed for these times."

She was certain she would terrify half of New York if they saw her in these sweatpants. But she hated all these dresses and skirts Daisy and Simmons had bought for her - she was NOT a skirt woman.

"You'll be a trendsetter. You've always been way ahead of your time."

He moved his hands down her arms and linked them with hers, his thumbs brushing over the tops of her hands. She looked at that sight first, before looking up into his face, unable to fight the urge to just see him.

"Fine."

He smiled brightly at her and lifted one of her hands, to kiss her palm.

"You won't regret this."

"Already am."

But he could tell she was teasing, he had always been able to tell, so his eyes sparkled and he guided her to the car.

She was glad she got some more time with him. Even if it wasn't technically him… she was still glad.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated!  
> (Also, kudos back to whoever recognizes the The Mentalist quote!)


End file.
